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Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis: Hillary Clinton from Funny Or Die

Vô

"To be truly friendly, you must drink until you are drunk."
- Vietnamese adage

grit

I took up smoking just to prove that I could quit.

simple living

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
- Henry David Thoreau

Swimming to Cambodia

the point of waking up early

"Oh crap, she's up."
- Lori Greiner

imagination

"Artists lie in service of the truth."
- Bruce Springsteen 

laughing man

"Those who have a sense of humour get through life more easily than those who don't."
- Carl Reiner

all men dream but not equally

"Nine-tenths of tactics are certain, and taught in books: but the irrational tenth is like the kingfisher flashing across the pool, and that is the test of generals. It can only be ensured by instinct, sharpened by thought practicing the stroke so often that at the crisis it is as natural as a reflex."

- T.E. Lawrence

turn your blog into a book

Access your blog code under "settings" then copy and paste here. Depending on how many images and text you have, and whether you want colour or black and white, the code conversion process could take hours. Once the files are complete you take it to a printer like this one on a USB drive. 

whiskey tortoise

If you need eyeglasses try Warby Parker. Reasonably priced attractive frames. The very simple process involves photographing your prescription and uploading it, taking a selfie with a credit card under your nose to gauge dimension and waiting a few days for your package to arrive in the mail. There were delivery issues with a recent order but Warby unprompted by me promptly refunded my payment and gave me the specs for free. Earning loyalty is no more complicated than this.

  

love is not a factor

hip hop

"May your pain be my Champagne."
- Nas

manufactured by men

"Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. And overcoming poverty is not a gesture of charity. It is an act of justice. It is the protection of a fundamental human right, the right to dignity and a decent life. While poverty persists, there is no true freedom."

- Nelson Mandela

freedom

"Write as though you were dead."
- a perspective embraced by Bono

to improve the world

"Instead of asking 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' Ask 'what can you contribute when you grow up?'"
- America Ferrera 

on directing

"Either a little more or a little less."
- John Huston

slides through the brain

"When someone shows you who he is, believe him the first time."
- Maya Angelou

Zum Wohl!

183rd annual Oktoberfest, Munich Germany. EPA

not kidding

"Don't you want to drink every single drop that's there?"
- Chris Farley [1964-1994]

divorce

"At my age the adage is that 'all the good ones are taken.' They'll be back."
- Jon Fisch

the point of fireworks

To chase the evil spirits away.

what's it all about?

"Booze, broads, baseball, and bullshit."
- Harry Caray

vrooom

It is estimated that the Space Shuttle had 20 million horsepower.

White House

"It's a nice prison, but a prison nonetheless."
- Harry Truman

"sleep of reason"

- Goya, Madhouse

1st truly great British painter

- William Hogarth [1697-1764]

African Proverb

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

saucy

"I been to sorrow's kitchen and licked out all the pots."
- Susan Straight

champ

"If you're completely in control, you're not in the race."
- Mario Andretti

boom

"If nothing goes wrong, you're not on the frontier."
- Neil deGrasse Tyson

help

Seven American Presidents had slaves in the White House.

cheers

"You ain't much fun since I quit drinking."
- Country and Western lyrics

on the contrary

"You can't prove a negative."
- Donald Rumsfeld, who routinely dumbfounded the White House Press Corps with this claim.

Counter argument here.

"sorry to disappoint you"

"Life is too short to hang around people who aren't making you better, who aren't pushing you forward."
- @JoelOsteen

salvation or damnation

Hate the sin, not the sinner.

the future of education

high reward, risk

"When you run with the wolves, don't trip."
- Adage

creativity

"What I love about the creative process, and this may sound naive, but it is this idea that one day there is no idea, and no solution, but the next day there is an idea. I find that incredibly exciting and conceptually actually remarkable."
- Sir Jonathan Ive

education for advertising

"Eighty-seven American universities offer undergraduate courses in advertising, and some even give degrees in it. With a few conspicuous exceptions, the teachers lack the practical experience to be relevant. All of them are handicapped by the poor quality of the textbooks, and very few do research of their own. Most of their graduates get jobs with small agencies, the big agencies preferring to recruit people who have furnished their minds by studying history, languages, economics and so forth... schools of business administration alumni are more remarkable for stodginess and arrogance than imagination."
- David Ogilvy, Ogilvy on Advertising, p.39

piousness is boring

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
- Mark Twain

you have made your use of me

- Caravaggio, The Betrayal of Christ [circa 1603]

sugar

In the 18th century the total value of Jamaican sugarcane exports exceeded what the American colonies produced, which is why the British didn't put up more of a fight to retain the colonies.

The Best Man

William Russell:

... as Bertrand Russell said, people in a democracy tend to think they have less to fear from a stupid man than an intelligent one.

highest swimming pool in the world

Ritz-Carlton Hong Kong's pool is located on the 118th floor.

on his craft

"We're not saving lives. Maybe we're saving someone's day."
- a reasonable European Chef

on the Irish pub

"There are no strangers here, only friends that you have not met."
- William Butler Yeats

happy warrior

Wordsworth's Admiral Lord Nelson poem :

Who is the happy Warrior? Who is he
That every man in arms should wish to be?
—It is the generous Spirit, who, when brought
Among the tasks of real life, hath wrought
Upon the plan that pleased his boyish thought:
Whose high endeavours are an inward light
That makes the path before him always bright;
Who, with a natural instinct to discern
What knowledge can perform, is diligent to learn;
Abides by this resolve, and stops not there,
But makes his moral being his prime care;
Who, doomed to go in company with Pain,
And Fear, and Bloodshed, miserable train!
Turns his necessity to glorious gain ...

Continue here.

secrets

"He never let his left hand know what his right hand was doing."
- On FDR

improve the health of your small business

www.score.org

truism

"People don't like to admit when they've made a mistake."
- From "Conviction"

sick cure

"Romans licked the wounds and ate the livers of dead gladiators for perceived health benefits."
- Michael Mosley

"just a painter of postcards"

- Canaletto [1697-1768]

not quite humiliated

... but embarrassed.

Winslow Homer failed to sell. He was thought of as the brooding, solitude, reclusive artist.