Friday, September 19, 2008

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington


CLARISSA SAUNDERS
My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed?
JEFFERSON SMITH
I know--but you--you're going to help.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--. Look, Senator--let me give you a rough idea. A member has a Bill in mind--like you--a camp. Right?
JEFFERSON SMITH
Right.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got to sit down first and write it up. The where, when, why, how--and everything else. That takes time--
JEFFERSON SMITH
Oh, but this one is so simple.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
I see. *This* one is so simple--
JEFFERSON SMITH
And with your help--
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple--and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of--let's say three or four days--
JEFFERSON SMITH
Oh, just a day--
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
A *day*!
JEFFERSON SMITH
Tonight.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Tonight.
(Controlling herself in a quiet burn)
Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator--but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called *dinner*--!
JEFFERSON SMITH
(laughing a little)
Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry, too. I thought--maybe--we could have something brought in--you know, like big executives who eat off trays. You see, we've got to light into this and get it going--
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're executives. And we light into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is ready. You go over there and introduce it--
JEFFERSON SMITH
How?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
You get to your feet in the Senate and present it. Then you take the Bill and put it in a little box--like a letter box--on the side of the rostrum. Just hold it between thumb and forefinger and drop it in. Clerks read it and refer it to the right committee--
JEFFERSON SMITH
Committee, huh?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Committee.
JEFFERSON SMITH
Why?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
That's how Congress--or any large body--is run. All work has to be done by committee.
JEFFERSON SMITH
Why?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Look--committees--small groups of Senators--have to sift a Bill down--look into it--study it--and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill no one knows anything about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get?
JEFFERSON SMITH
Yes, I see that.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Good. Where are we?
JEFFERSON SMITH
Some committee's got it.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Yes. They give it to a *sub*-committee, where they really give it a going over--hold hearings--call in people and ask questions--then report back to the bigger committee--where it's considered some more, changed, amended, or whatever. Days are going by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. *But* it's got to wait its turn on the calendar--
JEFFERSON SMITH
Calendar?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand *way* back there in line unless the Steering Committee decides it is important enough to be--
JEFFERSON SMITH
What's that?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
What?
JEFFERSON SMITH
The Steering Committee.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
(depressed)
Do you really think we're getting anywhere.
JEFFERSON SMITH
Yes. Sure. What's a Steering Committee?
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
A committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list--
JEFFERSON SMITH
*This* is.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we now?
JEFFERSON SMITH
We're over in the House.
CLARISSA SAUNDERS
Yes. House. More amendments--more changes--and the Bill goes back to the Senate--and *waits its turn on the calendar again*. The Senate doesn't like what the house did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like *those* changes. Stymie. So they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and battle it out. Besides that, all the lobbyists interested give cocktail parties for and against--government departments get in their two cents' worth--cabinet members--budget bureaus--embassies. Finally, if the Bill is alive after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally arrives. And--nine times out of ten, they vote it down. 
(Taking a deep breath) Are you catching on, Senator?

The entire 1939 script is available here.